Wilberforce and Grace

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Born a Zpeg

By Paula Louise Shene

Edith, as usual, was sitting at her workstation daydreaming when Joe strode in.

“What are you doing with our life credits?” he bellowed. “Are you aiming for us to be Zpegged, woman?”

Edith, a placid soul, did not yell back. She realized that Joe needed to ‘let off steam’ and the only thing he ever hurt was her eardrums. She’d need to Zpeg up some mufflers one of these days  if she remembered. While Edith had a calm disposition, she appeared to be a bit of a ditz when it came to following through on everyday life.

“Honey, Sweetheart, whatever is the problem, now?” Edith calmly asked.

“Don’t Honey, Sweetheart me. You know what I’m talking about! Your new toy in the driveway, you know, the one with the four, no make that five wheels! And a million credits price tag! That’s what I’m talking about!” Joe said in his usual volume… loud.

Edith chuckled, “Oh, that, the Z. I was sitting here thinking about how much you loved that old Nissan and I wanted to get you a …”

“A one-way trip to the zpegs farm?” Joe mockingly asked.

Edith straightened up from the slouch she usually favored. Looking Joe full in the eye, she says, “I think it’s time I explained some fundamental Zpeg facts to you Joe. You’ve always said I was good with figures, so I was the one to take care of our life credits. Isn’t that so?”

“Yeah, yeah. So, talk.” This better be good, Joe thought.

With an absent look in her eyes, Edith softly said, “In a far off galaxy, long, long ago. Oops, that’s another story. Ah hmm, when the Zpegs, which are pearl-like spheres that can be anything came on the market, it was touted to DO so many things and BE so many things. It was to be the last in the line of all the pegs from A to Z.  Just so… It was to be the last in the line of all the pegs, ‘From A to Zpegs ~ Whatever Your Heart Desires’ was its selling slogan. Well, I got to thinking about that, their slogan. If a Zpegs could do or be anything, why not start with it being a Zpegs womb?”

Joe hissed, “So, you’re saying all of the things we’ve got came from the Zpegs’ womb? You’re telling me we’ve got a bunch of little Zpegs running around?”

Smiling, Edith said, “Yup. And before you start thinking we’re violating patenting laws – I looked up our contract with all its fine print, even the fine print that had fine print. Ran it through the ‘Legalese program’ and nada, zilch, zero, nothing, zot, zip and all those other words for naught came out. We can use the Zpegs for anything. A surrogate womb I figured was the best I could do for the 100,000,000 credits. A one-time deal and we can have anything we want.”

“Hallelujah!” shouted Joe as he ran to try out his new ‘Z,’ sitting in the driveway.

Edith thought those ear mufflers better be the next thing on her list to be born.

***

~ Originally appeared in WIP form on the Bookrix site ~

***

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Paula Louise Shene took to writing after forced retirement.  A former college administrator and business owner whose hours are now filled caring for a disabled husband, and tapping away at the keys taking her into a saner reality.  She writes children’s stories under Paula Shene where she also writes under the banner of The Peacock Writers, a group dedicated to charity.  PC Shene is her name for Scifi/Fantasy/Adventure.

Bad Application

By Sanjoy Dutt

“We packed our bags and left for home,” Recalled Alice, “Robert was driving with children in the back seat. As we drove home my son and daughter started a war of words. I don’t remember what they were quarreling about, it’s been ten years. Robert was very tired, so the brother-sister fight was irritating him. He very sternly asked them, to knock it off. They were quiet for a few minutes, but after a while they had something else to quarrel about. I turned back with a finger on my lips, indicating them to be quiet. It didn’t work; they became louder blaming each other for starting it. At this point Robert pulled the car over and told them to get out of the car. They were shocked and hesitant to get out of the car. Robert sat silent, waiting for them to get out of the car. I was also surprised, but did not say anything. The children panicked, how will we get home? Robert sounded soft but firm, if you don’t know how to behave in the car, you have to walk!”
Rose was listening to Alice with interest, she smiled and asked. “And then what happened? Did Robert really make them walk home?”
Alice laughed and said. “Robert drove off and stopped about a mile ahead. We waited for the children to arrive. Both of them were weary after walking for twenty minutes in the afternoon sun. They sat quietly for the rest of the journey. Since that day they never quarreled in the car.”
Rose bursts out in laughter “I bet they didn’t! How old were they?”
“He was fourteen and she was eleven years old” Alice replied smiling.
That night, after dinner, Rose told the story to her husband Sam and they both had a good laugh.

A few weeks later, Rose and Sam were returning after a great lunch at a friend’s place. Their kids were arguing in the back seat and fighting with each other. Sam decided to teach a lasting lesson to his twelve and fourteen year old kids. He pulled the car over and made the kids get out. “Now walk home. This is your punishment if you cannot behave in the car!”

The kids were saying “sorry” and promised to behave but Sam was adamant and wanted the lesson taught. He drove forward for about a mile and stopped by the road side smoking and waiting for the kids to catch up.
Rose said, “Are you applying Alice’s story?”
Sam just looked at Rose and smiled.
Thirty minutes passed by kids did not turn up. After forty minutes Sam and Rose got out of the car and looked back as far as they could. There was no sign of their kids. The kids should have caught up by now so they started to panic at the children not showing up. Sam’s hair stood on his head in alarm. They drove back looking on both sides of the road to the point where kids got dropped off. There was no trace of kids anywhere. Both their faces turned white with fear and anxiety of the unknown. Where did the kids go?
Rose was very tense. “Sam. That was a bad idea! The children are missing. Should we call the cops?”
Sam took out his mobile phone, his hand trembling. Just then there was a sound of a message arriving.
“Who is that?” Rose screamed.
Sam’s heart was beating so fast, it felt like it had moved up his throat ready to come out of his mouth. He managed to say, “Dick!”
“Read it, Sam! Where are they?”
Sam read out the message loud, “Daddy we called grandma and got a lift home. When are you guys getting back?”
Sam took a few deep breaths of relief and declared “Damn kids!”
“Oh, thank God!” Rose exclaimed, her hand on her chest.
They got in the car. Rose laughed a little to herself, “We forgot that the kids had mobile phones.”
Sam quietly stared at the road as he started the car.
Rose murmured, “I guess even parenting has to move with the times!”

***

Born and grew up in India. Experience of over two decades in the fields of automobiles and construction machinery sales. Passionate about traveling with an attraction for historical places and the Himalayas. Vividly traveled in India and Nepal. The works of Rabindranath Tagore have consistently inspired me. Started writing travelogues and short stories for Indian magazines and newspapers, ten years ago. Like to express myself through my blog, Blogentra

Trouble on Lemon Drop Mountain

By DB Stephens

Bouncy languished on the side of Lemon Drop Mountain. As the chief cheerer-upper for Silly Springs, it was his job to make sure everyone was happy. Happiness was as easy as chasing his tail for the young pup, and his enthusiasm for life had never failed to chase away the blues with any other animal on the mountain, but Gerry The Giraffe wasn’t having any of it. Bouncy had tried rolling onto his back, spinning in circles and barking like a mad puppy, but none of his best tricks had worked. There was only one thing left to do. He needed to talk to him about his problem.
“Why so glum, chum?” Bouncy asked, fearing the answer might be more than he could handle.
“Oh, Bouncy,” Gerry replied solemnly. “It’s really nothing. I don’t want to talk about it. Not today – NOT EVER!” He turned his back to Bouncy and started crying.
‘Oh my fleas!’ thought Bouncy. He had never come across any animal in such a state. A thousand tail wags couldn’t turn this frown around. Had he met his match? Choking down the fear, he put on his best face and plunged in.
“Come on, Gerry,” Bouncy said with a forced smile, “you can tell me. I’m your bestest friend!”
Gerry turned around. Tears ran down his long face. “I just came from the doctor, Bouncy. I have an STD!”
“Bones and biscuits, Gerry,” Bouncy replied, as his tail came to a halt, “that’s awful! How in the world did that happen?”
“Well you see I was banging this…”
“No! No, no, no,” Bouncy interrupted, (there were certain things that even the chief cheerer-upper didn’t need to know) “That’s not what I meant. How could you be so silly to not use some protection? Even Hairy Hippopotamus knows better than that.”
Gerry’s face turned red. He began to stutter. “I… I, uh, well, Ulla said it was okay to not use a, a, a rub…”
“YOU SLEPT WITH ULLA UNICORN WITHOUT A CONDOM?” Bouncy shouted. “Everyone in Silly Springs knows she’s the biggest slut this side of the Lemonade River. Haven’t you heard the stories about her yourself?”
The giraffe looked down and stuck his lip out, as he pawed at the ground. Bouncy felt awful because he knew he was failing terribly at his job – he had to find a way to bring happiness back to his friend. His tail slowly began to pick up speed, as happy thoughts took control.
“You know, Gerry,” he began, “an STD isn’t the worst thing that can happen here in Silly Springs.” Gerry looked up, which gave Bouncy hope. “You could get stuck in the chocolate bog like I did last month. It took me three days to eat my way out of that one.” He made a face like he was going to get sick.
Gerry smiled.
“And look at what happened to poor old Ernie Eel. He’s never been the same since he got stuck in the tickle machine. He can’t stop smiling to save his skin.” Bouncy made a big silly smiley face.
Gerry laughed.
“That’s better!” Bouncy declared. “Now why don’t you tell me what the doctor said?”
The frown returned. “He said I needed to get a shot.”
“OH MY ASS BITING FLEAS!” Bouncy hollered, as his tail once more ground to a halt. “I hate shots!” This was going to take all the happiness he could muster up. “Let’s go to the licorice bar and get drunk!”
And they did.

 ***

DB Stephens is an author and freelance writer. Learn more about his work at: dbstephens.weebly.com