By DB Stephens
Bouncy languished on the side of Lemon Drop Mountain. As the chief cheerer-upper for Silly Springs, it was his job to make sure everyone was happy. Happiness was as easy as chasing his tail for the young pup, and his enthusiasm for life had never failed to chase away the blues with any other animal on the mountain, but Gerry The Giraffe wasn’t having any of it. Bouncy had tried rolling onto his back, spinning in circles and barking like a mad puppy, but none of his best tricks had worked. There was only one thing left to do. He needed to talk to him about his problem.
“Why so glum, chum?” Bouncy asked, fearing the answer might be more than he could handle.
“Oh, Bouncy,” Gerry replied solemnly. “It’s really nothing. I don’t want to talk about it. Not today – NOT EVER!” He turned his back to Bouncy and started crying.
‘Oh my fleas!’ thought Bouncy. He had never come across any animal in such a state. A thousand tail wags couldn’t turn this frown around. Had he met his match? Choking down the fear, he put on his best face and plunged in.
“Come on, Gerry,” Bouncy said with a forced smile, “you can tell me. I’m your bestest friend!”
Gerry turned around. Tears ran down his long face. “I just came from the doctor, Bouncy. I have an STD!”
“Bones and biscuits, Gerry,” Bouncy replied, as his tail came to a halt, “that’s awful! How in the world did that happen?”
“Well you see I was banging this…”
“No! No, no, no,” Bouncy interrupted, (there were certain things that even the chief cheerer-upper didn’t need to know) “That’s not what I meant. How could you be so silly to not use some protection? Even Hairy Hippopotamus knows better than that.”
Gerry’s face turned red. He began to stutter. “I… I, uh, well, Ulla said it was okay to not use a, a, a rub…”
“YOU SLEPT WITH ULLA UNICORN WITHOUT A CONDOM?” Bouncy shouted. “Everyone in Silly Springs knows she’s the biggest slut this side of the Lemonade River. Haven’t you heard the stories about her yourself?”
The giraffe looked down and stuck his lip out, as he pawed at the ground. Bouncy felt awful because he knew he was failing terribly at his job – he had to find a way to bring happiness back to his friend. His tail slowly began to pick up speed, as happy thoughts took control.
“You know, Gerry,” he began, “an STD isn’t the worst thing that can happen here in Silly Springs.” Gerry looked up, which gave Bouncy hope. “You could get stuck in the chocolate bog like I did last month. It took me three days to eat my way out of that one.” He made a face like he was going to get sick.
“And look at what happened to poor old Ernie Eel. He’s never been the same since he got stuck in the tickle machine. He can’t stop smiling to save his skin.” Bouncy made a big silly smiley face.
“That’s better!” Bouncy declared. “Now why don’t you tell me what the doctor said?”
The frown returned. “He said I needed to get a shot.”
“OH MY ASS BITING FLEAS!” Bouncy hollered, as his tail once more ground to a halt. “I hate shots!” This was going to take all the happiness he could muster up. “Let’s go to the licorice bar and get drunk!”
And they did.
DB Stephens is an author and freelance writer. Learn more about his work at: dbstephens.weebly.com